Night in Rodanthe

I knew it.  I shouldn’t have watched the film.  Each time I drop by National Bookstore (which is everyday, except Sundays), the book always catches my attention.  I’ve bought books after books yet I never placed in in a basket.   Then, I bought a DVD of it weeks ago and just had the feeling that it’s a movie i should miss.  For lack of anything else to watch yesterday, i suddenly remember seeing the DVD lying next to our PS2 under our bedroom TV.

It was a nice story.   It has a positive message for men and women out there seeking love.  I agree that each of us deserve a love that is as easy as breathing, effortless and natural.  One shouldn’t be too hasty to jump into a relationship out of desperation.  A person must be patient and hold out for this kind of love, and when it comes, believe that it is deserved.

True love — the kind that lasts forever — will find us.  It may present itself to us in coincidences and circumstances we least expect.  Whether it comes early or later, or even after a failed relationship, or will be the only great relationship one will experience, it will come.  That each of us will experience love — be mutually in love with someone else — is a definite certainty.  Still, as real, complete and true that love may be, it may not be the one we take to our graves.   It may not be the person we walk the aisle to a wedding.  It may the not be whose kids we bear and raise and have grand babies with.  It may not be the person whose hand we hold when we take our last breath.  That person may only grace our lives in a few days, weeks, months or few magical moments.  It may just even be a brief encounter, but with all its intensity and profoundness, it may very well last beyond one’s grave.

You’ll know that it’s the right one.  It will make your heart ache in sheer joy with the mere thought that you’ve found it.  But yes, it will break you to pieces when it disappears, like a part of you left with it.

I hate sad stories and this one is a guaranteed brutal tearjerker.  I probably shed over a cupful of tears.  And I earned a tightening chest that lasted long after the final credits ran.  Nothing can be more painful than losing your one true love to death as soon as it was found.  As I always thought, the greatest love is experienced through tragedy.  How tragic!

Even after the very end

Let time pass

Let if fly if it must

Let the sun rise

By all means, let it set.

Let the moon pull the tide

Let the water rise

And let it recede

The sea will be more interesting if it did.

I no longer count the days

No worry when the night comes

Nor when it ends

Even if it adds wrinkles on my face.

I will age gracefully

As the clock turns

Live each moment

Make them my own.

I am the master of time

In control of each turn

Unafraid, I embark

This Journey called life.

I sail through the tides of time

Moved, moving, changing

Swaying, dancing, grieving

but Always loving.

as all things i know will come to pass

even when my body turns into ash

when no breath will ever pass my lungs

and push thoughts to my head

In my heart a treasure

one who is beautiful and gentle

there will it remain

always and forever.

“You are my life now”

“Oh, really?  For how long, dya think?!”

Caught the Twilight (movie) first day it ran in movie theaters here in CDO.  Just like when i first read the book, i could not make up my mind whether I liked it or not.  Again, just like how I reacted to the written form of the story, I could not relate to the main characters’ declarations of love and affection toward each other.  So very “teeny”.

Though a bit of the audience gasped and sighed (especially when the Cullens first came into the scene), I just felt FLAT.  Years of being in a relationship tends to make one jaded.  No, of course not unromantic, just realistic.  Maturity does that to you.  “Words!”, I kept thinking, “Words, just words.  Loving someone is so much easier said than done.”  I probably couldn’t handle a partner as over-protective and possessive as Edward anyway. I don’t fall for such things.  In time, he will have bored me to death.  Now I wonder how Bella settled for that too.  I thought she didn’t want people hovering over her.  Well, isn’t that exactly what Edward was doing?!

In the whole, I think the movie is forgettable.  At least in the book my imagination of how beautiful the vampires are intrigued me.  As to the casting, well I thought hollywood could have done better.  The vampires aren’t as nearly as beautiful as they were painted in the book.  Sadly they are nowhere near as handsome and beautiful as I see them in my head.  I know certain people who could have done the characters justice.  Most disappointing is Jasper.  He was supposed to be more alert - and something, well just more!  In the movie he just looked STUPID!

Hey, Twilight fans out there, this is just my opinion, okay?  I am as much a fan as any of you.  I just feel they could have selected a stronger pool of actors to do the part.

Deceiving Heart

The things that make a person unclean

Mark 7:14-23

Then Jesus called the crowd to him once more and said to them, “Listen to me, all of you, and understand.There is nothing that goes into you from the outside that will make you ritually unclean.Rather, it is what comes out of you that makes you unclean.”

When he left the crowd and went into the house, his disciples asked him to explain this saying.“You are no more intelligent than the others,” Jesus said to them.“Don’t you understand?Nothing that goes into you from the outside can really make you unclean, because it does not go into your heart but into your stomach and then goes on out of the body.” (In saying this, Jesus declared that all foods are fit to be eaten.)

And he went on to say, “It is what comes out of you that makes you unclean.For from the inside, from your heart, come the evil ideas which lead you to do immoral things, to rob, kill, commit adultery, be greedy, and do all sorts of evil things; deceit, indecency, jealousy, slander, pride, and folly – all these evil things come from inside you and make you unclean.”

All these years I trusted my heart in making important decisions.It is in the rationalization that if it makes me feel good then it must be the right way.I guess this one is saying –not everything!Perhaps it is wise to discern first the things we desire before seeking them out.That is going to be a hurdle because I know what the heart screams can be quite difficult to silence.The clamor of the heart can be — most of the time– hard to ignore.Happiness and misery hang on the opposite sides of the balance.But is the end that promises bliss really the right way?Or is it the one that requires self denial?

I guess I’ll just have to count on good old “Faith”.Without divine inspiration, how lost can one ever get?I wonder.

Decode by Paramore

This is the first track I came across the Twilight website.  I like the heaviness in the tune.  Just something to mark another obsession.  Check out Decode on Youtube.

How can I decide what’s right
When you’re clouding up my mind?
I can’t win your losing fight
All the time.

Not gonna ever own what’s mine
When you’re always taking sides?
But you won’t take away my pride.
No, not this time.
Not this time.

How did we get here?
When I used to know you so well.
But how did we get here?
Well, I think I know.

The truth is hiding in your eyes
And it’s hanging on your tongue.
Just boiling in my blood.
But you think that I can’t see
What kind of man that you are,
If you’re a man at all.
Well, I will figure this one out
On my own.
(I’m screaming, “I love you so.”)
On my own.
(My thoughts you can’t decode)

How did we get here?
When I used to know you so well, yeah.
But how did we get here?
Well, I think I know.

Do you see what we’ve done?
We’ve gone and made such fools
Of ourselves.
Do you see what we’ve done?
We’ve gone and made such fools
Of ourselves.

How did we get here?
When I used to know you so well, yeah, yeah.
How did we get here?
Well, I used to know you so well.
I think I know.
I think I know.

There is something I see in you.
It might kill me.
I want it to be true.

Fickleminded Obsession

If I am to capture my person into a single word, that would be FICKLE.

I change my mind faster than I take my my breath.  When I breathe out I strongly feel about doing something, but then even before I breathe in I am onto something entirely different.  Nah, you got me, I’m exaggerating a bit.  Of course no one can be that fickle, now is there?!

But I’m not kidding about being fickle.  Though I have a general direction where I steer my every single day towards, on that path I keep twisting, turning, double-back, then again forward, leading to my ultimate destination.  If that made you dizzy, just imagine if you were in my shoes.  Still I can’t seem to help myself.

It could be construed as being thorough, the way I (over)analyze my every move and all the possible outcomes (consequences).  To be completely honest, i admit that i might be psychotic (ha,ha). So much for being OC!  I really don’t understand how I had once been called “obsessive”.

Can one really be obsessive and fickle at the same time?  If, yes, that person would be me.  I wonder how in psychology they call people like myself (hmmm).

Part of being fickle I guess is getting lost in the process.  Is that where I am right now, possibly the reason why I’m not making any sense at all? It’s like being stuck in a black hole.  I want to do so many at the same time just to see how things work out but it is impossible to do contradictory ideas in one move.  Besides I can only do so much.  I’m stretching myself out too thin I hope I don’t break (really hope not).

They say a reward awaits at the end of every difficulty - I might as well believe.  There shall be clarity, if only I could make up my mind and stick to it.

Twilight

A friend here recommended that I read Meyer’s books. I have heard before from others as well that it is a must read. Then in one episode of Ellen’s show, Meyer appeared to talk about her books. My curiosity got the best of me. The noise must be for nothing, so I bought the first book called “Twilight”.

It wasn’t quite what I expected but it is one book which will keep you reading on just the same. Perhaps it’s because the main characters are only on their teens, so I could not relate to how intense they feel about each other. It is too “teeny” in my opinion. Since in my teens I didn’t have a boyfriend I cannot imagine how they feel exactly. I’m past that age to feel electrified by the mere closeness of one who strikes my fancy (waaaah ‘tanda na talaga). There’s just too many scenes that I feel only needlessly prolonged the story. I hate it when Bella keeps on saying how weak she gets whenever Edward gets too close! (kainis! makes my own romantic relationship paler that it already is! haha)

I like the way Meyer pictured her vampires - similar to Anne Rice and Stephen King’s - in their beauteous(?) magnificence, only hers do not have fangs! I’m impressed as well on how she reasoned why they could not walk under the sun! I have categorized vampires as nocturnal creatures. Now i see them in a different dimension. This time when i think Vampire, i picture beauty (far from monstrous) that is immortally awake!

Though at the start the book did not impact as strongly on me, still it made me buy the complete collection. Well until Midnight Sun will be released (if ever), I’m going to buy that one too. I stumbled on a draft of that book and i like it better than Bella’s accounts. It’s nice to have a glimpse of what goes on inside Edward’s head.  It would be interesting to see the complete picture coming from both the main characters’ perspective.

I’m in the middle of the 3rd book (Eclipse) now, after finishing the first two (Twilight and New Moon) in about three days time!. My husband says it’s crazy how so soon i want to devour the books! Whew! my eyes. Looks like I’m gonna need another upgrade on them glasses.=)

An Enchanting Music that Enchanted My Heart

So Close by Jon McLaughlin

You’re in my arms
And all the world is calm
The music playing on for only two
So close together
And when I’m with you
So close to feeling alive

A life goes by
Romantic dreams must die
So I bid mine goodbye and never knew
So close was waiting, waiting here with you
And now forever I know
All that I wanted to hold you
So close

So close to reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing this was not pretend
Now you’re beside me and look how far we’ve come
So far we are so close

How could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?
We’re so close
To reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing this was not pretend
Let’s go on dreaming for we know we are
So close
So close
And still so far

To a Stranger

To a Stranger
by Walt  Whitman 

Passing stranger! you do not know
How longingly I look upon you,
You must be he I was seeking,
Or she I was seeking
(It comes to me as a dream)

I have somewhere surely
Lived a life of joy with you,
All is recall'd as we flit by each other,
Fluid, affectionate, chaste, matured,

You grew up with me,
Were a boy with me or a girl with me,
I ate with you and slept with you, your body has become
not yours only nor left my body mine only,

You give me the pleasure of your eyes,
face, flesh as we pass,
You take of my beard, breast, hands,
in return,

I am not to speak to you, I am to think of you
when I sit alone or wake at night, alone
I am to wait, I do not doubt I am to meet you again
I am to see to it that I do not lose you.

if not for you

if not for your arms that’s holding me tightly

i would have now fallen apart

if not for your kisses

my tears would now be flooding my heart

if not for your presence

i would be miserably alone

if not for your light and inspiration

i would now be lost

if not for your love

i would no longer try to move on.